The Great Harvard Wrestling Match

To understand the oddity of this tale

You must remember one fact that is vital

Without ever wrestling before

I almost won the Harvard intramural light-heavyweight title

After swimming at the gym one day

I scanned the bulletin board for notices posted

And there was an invitation for students to enter

The intramural wrestling competition, which I duly noted

Having absolutely no wrestling experience

Didn’t really deter me

I entered on a lark

Thinking, what will be, will be

My weight put me in the light-heavy division

When I signed up, I was the only person entered to  that date

But that was 10 days before the cut-off time

And figured many more would sign up before it was too late

To check how many light heavy-weights enrolled

I frequently checked the sign-up sheet

And lo and behold one day before the close

There were no other entrants that I would have to beat

So I had a very pleasant vision

That winning the title would be my fate

But at the last moment

A contestant entered, just before close of the cut-off date

So in the end, I actually had to wrestle

Before hundreds in the audience at the Harvard gym

Watching the two of us

To see which one would win

As the bout commenced I dashed across the ring, and lifted my opponent to my shoulders

Then slammed him to the ground, completing my initial move

The referee sternly advised me, perhaps inwardly grinning, that what I did was illegal

I told him I didn’t understand this, as I had frequently seen pro wrestlers do this on the tube

Anyway I eventually lost

Pinned with one minute to go

But in the end, I felt vindicated

Having given the audience an interesting show

Some 40 odd years later at a Harvard reunion, I met my old wrestling foe

We kidded about our earlier fight, but I wondered if he had some iota of fear

That I would body slam him again

Right then and there

How Harvard Can Make You Disappear

                                              

Harvard College has a procedure

Admittedly rarely invoked

Whereby college officials can expunge you from the records

If  they are severely provoked

This goes way beyond expulsion

Not only  are you dismissed as a student

But your offenses were deemed so severe

That asserting you were never there is deemed to be prudent

Harvard science labs have certainly attained great heights

But it seems a skill developed, undoubtedly after much persistence

Is the unusual and unique ability

To transform a miscreant into non-existence

Perhaps our government should contact Harvard

Why bother with rockets and missles, and other explosive gear

To eliminate our most feared enemies

Find out from Harvard how you can make them simply disappear

The Statue of 3 Lies

                                            

You probably assume any statement from Harvard
Bears the mantle of the truth
Not some wild eyed speculation
That might be written by some callous youth

To provide some background, in the Harvard Yard 
Is a statue passed on the way to classes
Colloquially labeled the statue of 3 lies
By which, with great frequency, every student passes

The statue states that it is John Harvard
And asserts he was the founder in 1638
In fact it was not John Harvard, he was not the founder
And the year shown as its founding, was 2 years too late

So if you are inclined to consider
Every Harvard statement as true
Remember the statue of 3 lies
The falsity of which virtually every Harvard student knew

Two Football Title Games

Background: On Nov. 23, 1951 I was a defensive tackle for Harvard's Leverett House champion intramural football team when we played Calhoun House, Yale's intramural champion. We lost 14 to 0. Our nickname was the Bunnies and Calhoun's was the Senators. 

I was a involved in two football title games

As a TV viewer in the recent Bronco's game against Seattle

As a defensive tackle for Leverett House

In the 1951 Harvard-Yale intramural battle

The Leverett House team was nicknamed the Bunnies

And losing to Calhoun did not merit a joyous hop

But one thing it's important to point out

Unlike the Broncos, we were not a total flop

         
Admittedly Leverett's score was zero

But there is one thing to remember

We only lost by 14, not 35

In that long ago day on the 23rd of November

The Leverett team had shown itself good on defense

But Calhoun's defense was thought best for good reason

They hadn't allowed any points against them

The entire intramural football season

The Calhoun running backs were very good

And rarely could I tackle them without a yardage yield

So I learned to desperately hold on to some part of them

To slow them down as they dragged my body down the field

So all in all

I'm proud to say

The Bunnies outplayed the Broncos

On their performance on title day