The Magic Plastic Cows

 

In 1955, during my last year in the Army
My pay was a mere $100 a Month
So I explored ways to find off-duty employment
To increase my income, at least somewhat 

My Army job was as an aide in the base dental clinic

Helping to provide soldiers and dependents with decent care

But my clinic duties were not very tiring

So I was left with my evenings free and energy to spare 

So when I heard the Officers’ Club at Fort Monroe

Were recruiting enlisted personnel for positions as waiters, a job of which I had knowledge

I applied and was accepted,

Undoubtedly aided by my past experience in college 

The above is a long, but necessary introduction to the good part, which I will now tell

It centers around small plastic cows, red, black and blue,

Which were used to designate how the meat was allegedly cooked

All meat was in fact cooked medium, but the tags showed differences by their hue 

In any event this was not the only deceptive practice

If any dish was returned by a customer to the kitchen, seeking a tastier plate

It went through a process of rehabilitation

The food was rearranged, parsley, potatoes or other items added, and then returned to the customer basically in its previous state 

So while the culinary antics described above

Do not constitute a substantial threat to our country’s fate

I wonder how many of the officers who couldn’t tell what they were eating
Were the ones who ordered $300 hammers and $900 toilet seats at a later date