When Cash is not King

 

A number of years ago, my refrigerator
Reached a terminal state, no longer capable of resurrection
I visited an outlet of a national chain
And told the salesman which one I had selected

When he asked for my credit card, I told him I was paying in cash

Which was about 300 dollars for this refrigerator
He was bewildered, obviously having no experience
In cash payments, and sought out the manager

These two disappeared into some back room

Probably to phone the company’s national office
To help resolve their fiscal dilemma
As to whether to accept the $300 in cash which I had offered

In any event, they reappeared about 10 minutes later
With a newly created form, which seemed to be a shortened employment application
Which I was requested to fill out, before they would accept
Cash as payment for a $300 refrigerator

I filled out the form,
 And the deal was complete
Leaving me wondering the truth of the old expression
That cash was king

The Magical Q-Tip

I doubt there are very few beyond infancy unfamiliar with Q-tips
Their use to solve problems is often the best of ways
From touching up nail polish, to baby care
The Q-tip is virtually universally used in current days

Which brings me to the time when I used a Q-tip

To save my hearing aid, whose replacement would have been expensive
After mistakenly inserting one of them in a glass of water
Instead of the container where I intended to put them

To complicate matters, I had opened the plastic cover which covers the battery
Increasing battery life, but exposing the hearing aid’s electronics to the water
I wiped the water off as best I could with a paper napkin
But could not reach the electronics as the channel was too small

I figured the one which had been in the water was ruined
And cursed myself for being so careless
When I finally realized that a Q-tip was small enough to insert
And its cotton tip could absorb the water

The use of the Q-tip enabled me to quickly dry out the water
And the hearing aid continued to function
So God bless the Q-tip for helping me in a troubling situation
And thus there is another way to add to its many uses

The Runner and the Robber

An incident occurred wherein a felon

Committed a robbery, and escaped by running away

The only witness to this incident

Was a passerby, who the police questioned on that day 

The interviewing officer asked the witness

To describe the felon, to avoid justice being denied

Long stride, even pace, vigorous pumping of the arms

The witness replied 

Okay, said the officer

But what was the appearance of his face

Who looked, said the witness

It's marathons that I race

 

The Great Crime

 

                                                                                                               

In closing his window shades

He took a great deal of time

Fearful that someone would observe him

Commit a terrible crime

He double locked the door

So no one could creep

Into his bedroom

And secretly peep

He carefully checked

To make sure it was a fact

That no hidden camera

Caught him in the act

His mind very fearful

He searched for any two way mirrors

Then cut the tag from his mattress

With a vicious cut of his scissors

Wrong Way Corrigan

Unless you are
As old as I am
You’ve probably never heard
Of Wrong Way Corrigan

If you happened
To have heard his name
You most likely assumed
A wrong turn caused his fame

An avid pilot, Corrigan wanted to cross the Atlantic solo
He felt duplicating Lindberg’s feat to be his mission
The federal aviation authorities felt his plane was insufficiently sturdy
And repeatedly denied him permission

In 1938, he departed New York’s Floyd Bennet Field
And landed in Ireland after 28 hours in the air
Having filed for California as his destination
He claimed it was a wrong turn that got him there

Aviation officials took 600 words
To list the regulations he had broken
They suspended his license for 14 days
Considering his multiple offenses, really just a token

So Douglas Corrigan showed himself to be
A really expert flier
But considering the details of his cross Atlantic flight
Also a very imaginative liar